My entire life, my mother has entreated me to ensnare a rich man so that I will never have to worry about money again.
I used to think that this reasoning was shallow and silly (and in large part because I want to be financially independent and not have money play a role in the power dynamics of my relationship). But now, I also think it's just plain wrong.
Let me explain.
To start off, the first critical flaw in this plan is that there just aren't many rich people in this country. According to the wealth distribution in the US (data from 1998), the vast majority of nation's wealth is in the hands of a tiny fraction of the population.
For those who don't feel like viewing the reference link, here is the take-home message. The top 1% of the population own 38.1% of the nation's wealth. The next 9% own 32.8%. The next 20% own 24.4%.
What does that leave the rest (60%) of us? Only 4.7% of the nation's wealth.
I use this grossly uneven wealth distribution to simply conclude that statistics will not be on your side when it comes to meeting an eligible rich bachelor (or bachelorette). Unless you're an insider on Wall Street (or the White House??), I highly doubt you can just go out there and seduce a multi-millionaire. What a bummer, eh?
Another flaw in the nab-a-sugar-daddy approach to financial security is actually an observation I made while in high school and college. I went to a pretty elite high school and college, so there was a large population of wealthy kids there. Perfectly eligible young sugar daddies, right?
Wrong. I realized that the "rich kids" in my high school and college weren't rich *themselves*. It was their *parents* who were rich. After all, these kids weren't even out of school yet, much less earning money! Most of them don't even work, because they don't qualify for financial aid and the associated work-study jobs.
Furthermore, I noticed that kids born with a silver spoon in their mouths were not responsible with money. Most of them took money for granted, and didn't know how to manage it. At best, they spend freely and irresponsibly; at worst, they are spoiled rotten.
Would it truly do me any good to marry one of these rich kids? I would say no. Because even assuming he gets a large inheritance from his parents in the near future--which is not likely considering life expectancy and estate taxes, a kid with unproved earning power and weak money management skills will probably not remain rich for long. Chances are, the inheritance will be blown, and you'll be right back where you started, or worse--in debt, because this kid may not know how to replace the money that he's spent.
Okay, but what if your guy is actually earning a sizable income, and not just mooching off his parents. Well, that's good, since at least there will be fresh income coming in. But what would a large paycheck accomplish if it is spent every time? Maybe he won't spend himself into debt, but this doesn't exactly build wealth either. It merely maintains a constant state of treadmilling and survival.
Now what if your guy is responsible with money? Maybe he earns less than the others, or doesn't have a rich family, but with proper asset management, future financial security seems much more likely. And what's best is that monetary responsibility is a personality trait rather than an act of circumstance, so you don't need to find this guy in the top 1% of the population.
This is the train of thought that brought me to one of my seminal conclusions about choosing a spouse. It's not about finding a guy who is rich, or earns a high income. It's about finding a guy who can manage the money that he does earn.
And in case anyone thinks I've just killed romance, I'll be the first to admit that love is important, too. But love won't feed you or pay the bills, and I'm nothing if not practical. And this is a finance-related blog, so I'm not going to talk about mush on account of it being off-topic.
So there you have it. Another late-night insomnia-inspired ramble from Mimi. Maybe I *should* get a real life (or some sleep!).
Marrying 'rich' isn't all it's cracked up to be
August 31st, 2006 at 07:00 am
August 31st, 2006 at 11:00 am 1157022003
Do what's best for YOU!!
August 31st, 2006 at 02:08 pm 1157033298
August 31st, 2006 at 04:28 pm 1157041715
But you certainly have your head on straight. Good for you!
August 31st, 2006 at 10:02 pm 1157061760
I hope u get a sweet guy who takes good care of you dear.. and treats u right.. and has his head on straight too.
August 31st, 2006 at 10:23 pm 1157063034
September 1st, 2006 at 03:26 am 1157081187
September 1st, 2006 at 04:24 am 1157084690
ima saver: Your success gives me hope that love, happiness, and financial security are all out there. May we all get there someday!
Broken Arrow: You betcha I've thought about this! I just don't trust "conventional" views of relationships. They're too influenced by Hollywood. I mean, look at Moulin Rouge, a movie with the message that it is somehow honorable and admirable to be tragically penniless rather than financially secure. Real life isn't like that. You can't *be* happy if you're tragically penniless, even if you genuinely love Your Guy. I loved Moulin Rouge, by the way. I just don't think Real Life is like that.
Although, in the end, I think I can settle for love *and* financial responsibility. So I might not be living in the Real World, either!
ummabdullah: Aww, you're too sweet! But I'm kind of worried by your kid comment...
flash: Wait, doctor daughters aren't supposed to be able to find husbands? Whoa, that might be just the piece of info I need to stop my mother from nagging weekly about how I should go to medical school and become a filthy rich doctor, already!
baselle: I'll blog my thoughts on the book once I get through it. It
certainly sounds intriguing--I've always liked sociological studies, especially ones that mess with your expectations.
~mimi
September 1st, 2006 at 11:45 am 1157111151
Ewan: All you need is love!
Nicole: (Aw darn it, I forgot what contrary thing she said.)
E: All you need is love!
N: A girl's gotta eat too.
E: All you need is lo-o-o-ve!
N: Love is just a game.
E: I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me.
N: The only way you're loving me baby, is to pay a lovely fee.
E: Just one night! Just one night!
N: There's no way cuz you can't pay!
E: In the name of loooove! One night in the name of love!
N: You crazy fool! I won't give in to you!
E: Wait! Don't be this way. I can't survive without your love! Oh baby, don't be this way.
There's more, but you know, I don't want to get carried away for a blog response.
I do agree that real life is not like that though. I know. Sadly. Still, I'm not against having a bit of fun along the way. Want me to sing this out for you?
September 1st, 2006 at 12:17 pm 1157113055
Darn it. Now I wish my music weren't on my other computer. Why aren't there more movie musicals? WE NEED MORE MOVIE MUSICALS.
*le sigh*
~mimi
September 1st, 2006 at 12:24 pm 1157113495
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I'm loving you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
September 1st, 2006 at 12:28 pm 1157113723